WIDOWERS AS UNICORNS – HOW IT AFFECTS DATING

When you become a widower and begin to enter the dating scene, you may hear the term “unicorn” being bandied about by women you encounter during this period. I heard it often during the first couple of years after my wife passed.

Overall, this is a good thing!…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 8, 2025Fred Colby, Authordangers of dating for a widower, Changes to expect for widower, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, Is a widower ready to date, Sex and WidowerComment

GRIEF + HOLIDAYS = MELTDOWNS?

I found myself in a predicament one Thanksgiving eight years ago. It surprised me. Suddenly my grief (which I thought was under control 1½ years after my wife’s death) re-emerged full force. I escaped to my master closet and sunk down to my knees as full-on sobbing took over. For maybe five minutes I just let it run its course, and then suddenly it was over…

Widower Emotions, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower blogFred ColbyNovember 24, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorWidower and the holidays, Stages of grief, Changes to expect for widower, Deep grieving, healing grief, overcoming widower isolation, Coping with death of wifeComment

WHAT NOW? SENIOR’S HOUSING OR ASSISTED LIVING?

Erroneous advice often comes when we are at our weakest point while stumbling through our first year or two of grieving. We may be too weak to resist these suggestions… especially if they come from our family, close friends, or trusted advisors…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 10, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, Coping with death of wifeComment

IS CONTENTMENT POSSIBLE?

Remember that feeling of peace, that feeling of being comfortable with yourself, your circumstances, and your marriage? Maybe you were 10, 20, or even 30 years into your marriage before you reached this point. Many of us were fortunate enough to have achieved that blissful stage of existence… even if it was only for a few moments here and there…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 27, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, healing grief, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

Some of our best learning opportunities come from our worst experiences. I have had a few of those, and over time realized that I could learn something from each one….

You may have faced challenges like bankruptcy, losing your home, conflicts with loved ones, natural disasters, or a serious illness.

These experiences often come upon us suddenly and may seem insurmountable.

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbySeptember 15, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, How to heal after a spouse dies, overcoming widower isolationComment

LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP?

If you were as well trained as I was, you learned early on in your marriage to always put the toilet seat down! There is nothing that can earn the wrath of your wife more than going to the bathroom in the dark at night and sitting down on a piss-wet cold toilet base…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 2, 2025Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Changes to expect for widower, Coping with death of wife, Widower IsolationComment

TABOO WIDOWER TOPICS – Part 1

Most widowers, even the more extroverted of us, tend to shy away from discussing topics that seem too personal, too sensitive, or just plain uncomfortable. As men, we are trained to keep these things to ourselves. So we just don’t discuss them privately or in public. The negative effects of this are bad enough during normal times… but much worse when we become a self-isolated, lonely, grieving widower wallowing in our sorrow and thoughts at home…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyAugust 4, 2025Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with death of wife, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

CRINGE-WORTHY WIDOWER BEHAVIOR

During our early stages of discombobulated, slightly psychotic, and often delusional widower behavior, we may find ourselves reacting inappropriately in public, private, and even intimate settings. These may cause intense emotional pain, self-condemnation, and further isolation. Others, knowing that you are suffering, may let it go. But you may be punishing yourself by revisiting your self-perceived “cringe-worthy” behaviors over and over again…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJuly 21, 2025Fred Colby, Authorovercoming widower isolation, Deep grieving, healing grief, Grief therapyComment

ESCAPING TO CONFRONT YOUR GRIEF

As I sit here on the deck of a beautiful cabin set in Colorado’s White National Forest, I cannot help but think back to my visit here ten years ago, almost to the day. That visit was about ten days after my wife had passed after a six-month battle with uterine cancer.

I was not in a good mental or emotional place then,…

Widower Grief, Widower, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJuly 7, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Bereavement, Coping with death of wife, Death of Spouse, healing grief Comments

IS SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS POSSIBLE AGAIN??

Don’t feel alone if you are thinking that you will NEVER be happy again… much less able to be successful again in important areas of your life. After losing your wife, life just does not seem to be worth living anymore.

However, immersing yourself in grief after your wife dies is unavoidable….

Widower, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJune 9, 2025Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Bereavement, Coping with death of wife, how to help a grieving widower, Idealization of spouse, male widowComment

REINVENTING YOURSELF – TO SURVIVE AND HEAL

As we said at every meeting of my online grief group, “It will never be the same again!” Nothing shakes up your world and self-identity like the loss of your wife….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMay 25, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorWidower problems, Widower behavior, Widower health, Stages of grief, Changes to expect for widowerComment

8 NEWBIE WIDOWER MISTAKES

Any of the following newbie widower mistakes can create situations that often cannot be undone. They may lead to complicated grief or widower’s syndrome. To undo the harm already done, it may take years of therapy, mending fences, and corrective actions. And these difficulties often lead to growing issues with alcohol and drugs which can only make all other problems worse.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMay 12, 2025Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, widower loneliness, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, Widower problems, Sex and Widower Comments

You Can Heal Through Storytelling

I found that each time I told my (and Theresa’s) story I would heal… just a little bit. It helped me to allow others into my grieving without me or them being intrusive. I could be completely honest about what I and my daughters were going through while still allowing myself private time for my grieving. I found it freeing and therapeutic.

Widower support, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 14, 2025Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, overcoming widower isolation, Coping with death of wife, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, widower lonelinessComment

I COULD BE WRONG!

Don’t become the grumpy old man next door who is always growling at everyone because you think you are always right, and they are always wrong. Like the Tom Hanks character in the movie A Man Called Otto, you no longer have your wife to run interference for you or to smooth things over with those who you offend…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 3, 2025Fred Colby, Authorwidower loneliness, widower anger, Behavior of a widower, Widower IsolationComment

LAUGHING AND HEALING WITH YOUR WIFE

One of the early signs that you might be pulling out of deep grieving and beginning to heal is the first time you laugh at a memory of your wife.

At first you may recoil at the fact that you are laughing at something she did, thinking you are betraying her and should suffer now and forever…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower GriefFred ColbyFebruary 17, 2025Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Coping with death of wife, healing grief, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse dies Comment

Finding Your New Purpose Helps You Heal

…many of us feel lost and abandoned after our wives pass away. Our sense of purpose is often taken from us and we feel like a rudderless power boat spinning aimlessly on the ocean of life. It is scary, and for many of us, there do not appear to be any answers.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 20, 2025Fred ColbyhWidower Health, healing grief, Grief therapy, overcoming widower isolation, widower loneliness, Stages of griefComment

Is Religious or Secular Grief Counseling Best for You?

Shortly after my wife of 45 years passed in 2015, I found myself buried in grief. I knew I was in trouble and could not find the answers by myself. So, I asked, “Where can I go for help?” I knew a little about therapy but had never really taken advantage of it.

For many of us, choosing therapy may lead to having to make a choice: “Do I turn to a church for help? Or, do I turn to secular organizations for help?”

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 9, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorGrief therapy, healing grief, Coping with complicated grief, Men’s Grief Groups, How to heal after a spouse dies, widower lonelinessComment

Surviving the Holidays

How do you steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each may have very different experiences during these special days.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 24, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Widower’s syndrome, widower loneliness, overcoming widower isolation Comments

Charles’ Lessons for Widowers

The surprise celebrity who emerged from the group was Charles, an unlikely romantic figure. Upon first meeting him, he does not strike you as someone who would become the object of affection for so many women viewers!

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 11, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorGolden Bachelor, overcoming widower isolation, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief, widower lonelinessComment

Overcoming Grief, Anger, Stress, Etc.

Unfortunately, we cannot stop the world and get off when our wife passes. So, we end up adding this humongous load of grief on top of everything else going on….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 28, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Coping with complicated grief, Men’s Grief Groups, Survivor's guilt, Widower angerComment

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